I Hate You!

Since that very first day I knew that I was into you, I can’t exactly count using my bare hands the times that I looked stupid, the times I hated myself, the times I cried and the times I was hurt by you.

Long time ago, I used to tell to everyone that crying for someone (specifically the opposite sex) would be the least thing I would do, but look at me now, here I am alone in a corner trying to ease the pain that you’ve cause simply by letting my tears run down my face . And certainly I really hated this idea—but this scenario will surely won’t be happening at this very moment if you didn’t draw closer to my path, thus, I hated you more than anyone else.

I hated you for letting me feel that I am special to you. I hated you for letting me feel that there’s something going on between the two of us, but most of all I really hate you for letting me fall for you without any assurance that you feel the same way too and giving me those false hope of yours.

Now, look at me everyone can surely call me “assuming” because of what you’ve done. But could I ever blame myself for assuming that there’s love between the two of us because of your actions and you’re “I LOVE YOUs”? Could I blame myself for hoping that someday there will be the two of us because of what you made me feel? Now, tell me could I blame myself for that?

Many times I tried to fight what I felt for you since I myself is tired of what I was doing to myself just to understand you—just to please you but since every time I make a move just to get rid of you, you yourself is also making a move to hinder me such as when I almost made it—I almost forget you then here you are again begging me to stay and claiming that I am only the one that you need. Crazy I am to think that what you’ve told me was all real. And I was also crazy and madly in-love with you then, thus I came back again to you hoping that this time around could be for real but my decision of coming back was totally erroneous because instead of being happy, I just let myself be hurt again.

Now, I know, I should have listen to my friends that you’re no good to me. I should have listened to them—I should have followed what they told me and If only I could turn back time—if only I could.

But it’s not yet late—I could still correct the mistakes that I have done and I assure you this time around there’s no turning back. This time around you can’t hold me back to you and let myself be hurt again because this time around—I know I will be happy and I know my friends just wanted the best for me and absolutely my friends don’t see you as a one.

So this time around, my goodbye is for real. I hate this but I need to. Yes, I really did love and fight for you but now I am running out of reason to fight for what I felt before since right now it’s not all about love—but it’s all about the hatred that I am strongly feel towards you right now.

Useless

“When you really love someone you must not expect any return of your actions and doings”
But what if you’re doing too much and anything for the person that you loved but then that person really cannot appreciate what you are doing, will you still stick with this saying?
I did not expect that I would also experience what did my friends experienced before.
Doing extra effort just to make the one they loved happy. Well, before, I used to laugh out loud when my friends will share the things that they have done in the name of love. Every time I do that my friends especially my best friend will told me that, “time will come you will also experienced what we are experiencing right now”. Instead of stopping myself from laughing but in return I will laugh loudly and tell them that “that the least thing that will happen to me”.
But unexpectedly the least thing that I expected to happen with me now really happened. Unexpectedly without my permission I fell in in-love. Yes, I did I fell in-love to the guy which I know cannot love me back, cannot give me the same feelings that I am offering to him.
Yes, I know it will hurt me and not just an ordinary wound but the scar will always remain not just in my mind but also in my bleeding heart.
I know I cannot teach my heart thus, I really need to accept that right now I am falling in-love with the wrong person. I need to accept that indeed I am falling in-love with my friend.
I really did not expect this to happen but what can I do I just wake up one day thinking of him, dreaming of him and in-love with him.